I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
