The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
