Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
