All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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