I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
