hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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