I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
