So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
