RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
