so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
