There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i love accidental penises.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
