She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
