I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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