dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
