hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
