We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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