I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
