anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
