Swine flu. Run for my life!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
