If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I AM VODKA MAN
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
