omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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