Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
