Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
