Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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