so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
