My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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