VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
