I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
