just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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