Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
