think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
