but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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