i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
