If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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