john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Will exercising make me less horny?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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