I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
