You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
