I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
