R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
