Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
