yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
