Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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