My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
