why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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