you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
