the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
