Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
