"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
