hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
