I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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