RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
