She said her name was "party"
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
