I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have aggressive nipples.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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