Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
